Here we are, back again with another week of NFL football under our belt. It was an eventful week, with plenty of gruesome injuries and roster changes. Just what we love to see.
So here we go, lets get into it.
The week started off with another rough Thursday night football game where the Panthers and Bucs looked as if they had only gotten four days rest. And you can forget what I said last week about the Panthers having playoff chances. The Panthers defense made Jameis look like an an NFL quarterback, as he somehow managed to not throw an interception. And don’t get me started on the Panther’s QB. Comparing Cam Newton to Nathan Peterman would be rude to Nate.
Moving on to the Chargers and Lions game, Matt Patricia redeemed himself after week 1, as the Lions defense looked much better than they do on turkey day. And it looked like Phillip Rivers was up late the night before, raising his 9 kids. As for the Charger’s running back situation, Melvin Gordon might be feeling a little better about the hold out. However, I still think Ekeler is a good enough replacement for the Bolts.
The Niners ran all over the Bengals in Cincinnati’s home opener, and Jimmy G actually played a decent game for someone with an STD. I didn’t know who Matt Breida was before this game, and I’m sure I’ll forget about him soon enough, but he was excellent as one of the 49ers 30 running backs. Neither of these teams will make a run at the playoffs, so there’s not much left to be said. One thought I had is that Andy Dalton is like the Fritos bag in a chips variety pack. Not good, not bad, just there.
For the Vikings and Packers game, I was pretty surprised that Mike Zimmer let Kirk Cousins throw a single pass. Let alone 32 of them. To Kirk’s credit, only 2 of his passes got picked off. The Vikings really just need to feed the Cook, Dalvin Cook that is. He might be the best running back in the league. And for the Cheeseheads, The State Farm actor, Aaron Rodgers, had a decent game with over 200 passing yards. But Rodgers still isn’t looking like his old self. Perhaps all 360,000 Packer’s owners need to start getting on his case.
Another week and another look at D.K. Metcalf’s biceps. Man those puppies are large. Russell Wilson proved that he’s only slightly-dramatically overpaid with his performance of 300 yards and 3 TDs. It was a Superbowl XLIII rematch, but this time the Seahawks were able to pull out the victory, giving the Steelers their second loss of the season. And an even bigger loss for the Steelers was losing Big Ben to a fake thumb injury, but then a legit elbow injury. I’m sure Pittsburgh is kicking themselves for not keeping AB… or Le’Veon.
The Patriots were hit with some not-so-big news when they found out that Antonio Brown is facing a few separate sexual assault accusations. Fortunately for the Patriots, having criminals on the team is nothing new. New England steam-rolled the Dolphins, as we all expected. And AB got more action on the field than he did with his Pittsburgh doctor. For the Dolphins, I think we would all respect them more if they just went for the 0-16 season. I think DJ Khaled would be one of the better lineman on their team right now.
The Saints suffered a major blow against the Rams, losing Drew Brees for at least 6 weeks of the season to a thumb injury. And this isn’t the first time the Saints have gotten screwed against the Rams. Either way, the Rams defense looked pretty solid, giving no easy floats to Bridgewater. As for the Rams QB, as long as Jared Goff isn’t playing in the Superbowl, he’s usually pretty good. And he looked pretty confident on Sunday. Rams should be in for another good season.
The Eagles/Falcons game did not disappoint, with both quarterbacks hosting a “how to throw interceptions” clinic. Wentz looked pretty rough in the first half, but he really stepped up in an attempted comeback that fell short. This included one of those “what the fuck” throws that really gets your blood pumping as a fan. For the Falcons, Matt Ryan couldn’t get a redzone touchdown to save his life, but luckily he had Julio to bail him out whenever they needed a 50-yard touchdown.
The Ravens and Cardinals game did not disappoint as we got to witness two future hall of famers in Lamar Jackson and Kyler “Very Short” Murray. Lamar did more than enough for my fantasy team, and the Ravens were able to get passed the Cardinals for the victory. I got to hand it to Jackson for using his arm. He’s certainly been proving the doubters wrong so far. Kyler looked good as well. I think if the Cardinals continue to play at a high level of football, they might be lucky enough to tie another game.
Just when I thought Mariota was back on track, he returned to his mediocre ways against the Colts. Marcus threw for 154 yards, which would be a breakout game if he were Kirk Cousins. But realistically, we have higher expectations of the former Heisman winner. For the Colts, Brissett looked very poised as he threw for 3 TDs. Going forward, it’s safe to assume that any former Belichick player will either be a stud, or a murderer. Brissett is a stud.
The Texans edged out the Jaguars in a game that had a terrible display of offense. Minshew stepped up in the place of Foles and it was good to see Gardner plant his feet and rake in a touchdown pass. With that said, Leonard Fournette should be getting twice as many carries. He looks like Kimbo Slice without the HGH. For Houston, The Texans duo of Watson and Hopkins struggled, but they were still able to get the Dub. And Jalen Ramsey was so pissed that he requested a trade after the game. It would be great to see him go to Buffalo after all that was said about Josh Allen.
The Cowboys vs Redskins game was another opportunity for the Cowboys to inflate their power rankings. Dak was hoping to see Jerry Jones after the game with a big check, but unfortunately he’ll have to continue to prove himself before getting the big bucks. And for the Skins, Case Keenum actually had a decent stat line. Glad to see that he has made the NFL transition after 7 years of college. And by the way, if you’re looking for a great fantasy team name, draft O.J. Howard and Case Keenum. O.J. beat the Case.
The Giants and Bills game was a nice Superbowl preview. Eli Manning looks like he’s already in midseason form, which is why the Giants decided to bench him after Sunday’s game. It was the moment we were all waiting for, and now, the Daniel “White Boy” Jones era has begun. Meanwhile, Saquon is still a beast, but he’s looking like LeBron on the ’07 Cavs. (And Eli would be Ilgauskas in that scenario). For Buffalo, these studs celebrated another win, and the powerhouse is looking for an undefeated season. They’ll go as far as Josh Allen’s wobbly throws can take them.
Pat Mahomes has been putting on a show since last season, and Kermit hasn’t showed signs of slowing down anytime soon. Froggy had 443 pass yards with 4 TDs and yes, Froggy is a nickname for Mahomes. Derek Carr, on the other hand, was really missing AB. And it’s a damn shame that the Raiders were so dramatic about everything in the offseason. They made a nice/humble guy feel unwelcome, and as a result, the Raiders season isn’t looking too great at this point. Luckily they have a coach who knows exactly what he’s doing.
The Bears/Broncos game was another terrible display of offense. And I’ve probably seen less kicking in a soccer game. Please pick up Eddy Pineiro as your kicker if you haven’t already. I think that the Bears could be a legit threat if they tried to score touchdowns. But my guess is that Trubisky is either allergic to the end zone. (Maybe it’s the different paint colors). Or it’s possible that he just isn’t that good of a QB. As for Denver, they decided to punt the season away when they decided to have Flacco as their QB. And yes he had decent numbers, but he also is not a team player. Like Kyrie but the unathletic version.
The Jets and Browns game was exactly what we thought it would be. Big blowout. The Jets are absolutely horrendous, with or without Sam “mono boy” Darnold. (I’ve had mono so I can call him that). And their secondary simply could not contain OBJ, aka Mr. Wristwatch. I mean seriously, think about how many more yards he could have had if he didn’t have his ice weighing him down. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the drip though. Baker looked a little more dangerous than he did in week 1. Maybe not bomb-threat dangerous, but at least running with scissors dangerous. If the Browns stay healthy and execute, they’re on their way to a solid 8-8 season.
That’s it for the reactions. Once again, if you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you reading my week 2 recap and I’ll be back at it again for Week 3.